Monday, May 27, 2013

Another Cycle Begins

So recently I completed watching this anime series called Psycho-Pass (it's really good, watch it, blah blah blah, etc.) and one of its themes really struck me as something I could relate to - that human nature is bound to repeat itself in cycles.

Well I went to another formal dance, my first this year actually, and at the expense of not being in a group photo and not seeing the police come bust the dance, I wrote this little story:

---

It begins again.

I said that life followed itself in cycles. Perpetual cycling of the same ideals, the same behaviors common to human nature will always lead to the same result. I said those words a year ago, and here I stand a year later, saying the exact same words. The ground has been blanketed with leaves, frozen over, drenched and baked and just like the seasons life will repeat itself in endless cycles despite our insistence at the beginning of a new cycle that the new cycle will somehow be different.

What a lie. To attempt to break free of the cycle is to attempt to change human nature, something that fundamentally will never change. At least that seems true for me. What is my fault; why can I not break free of the same cycle?

Is it my own personality? Is that to fault? I'm too nice but too cynical,  too spiteful to those who have not caught on to the vaguest of clues. Thus my friends come and go, like people walking through an art gallery. I'm the painting. People look at me for a while then move on to the other paintings. Maybe I'll catch somebody's attention some day; so much that she will walk forward, glance at the placard describing the painting that is me, and study and appreciate me and then write about me for her research paper.

At the very least, it's not horribly hot and humid this year. And this year I seem to know more friends, as if the ebb and flow of my social life has reached a crest. The cool breeze flows over my hair as I balance between talking to my friends who are sitting around me, my friend from high school text messaging me, and writing this confession.

I forgot the point of writing these confessions. In my incessant wandering over the past year I have often questioned the purpose of my living. I mean, as I listen to my friends around me talk about their summer plans and comparing their summer internships with each other it really makes me wonder: what is the purpose of our lives. We work to the breaking point just to beat the curve, we reach out to the faintest connections in order to find a worthwhile way to spend our summer only in order to come back to this campus in order to restart the cycle. An endless cycle of work that will repeat itself, exhausting every slight variation but still remaining fundamentally the same exhausting trudge towards our death. About death: I said this to one special person a few years ago. Death itself is not a concept that I am afraid of, it is rather the thought of dying, the painfulness associated with the concept that can strike fear into my thoughts. As long as I keep living each day, I have to make the most of each day. I have to learn how to appreciate each day for the tiny special moments...

'Don't be so dark,' my friend tells me. If I just say it is who I am, would I be resigning myself to conformity, accepting the negative aspects of my natures, this condemning myself to repeat my cursed cycle, the cycle that will always begin and end with myself being alone?

Anyways at this point I feel like I'm rambling in circles. The bus isn't halfway to the venue, but the shrills and screams of the people around me suggests that I was not the only one who drank beforehand...

So we get to the venue and I immediately join the beeline of guys heading to the washroom. The most glorious moment of the night ensued. Following which, since none of my friends had arrived yet I found a quiet corner somewhere, found a functioning elevator, and rode it to the top floor. Now, overlooking Michigan Avenue, Millennium Park and gazing out toward the lake, I fix my eyes on a lone ship floating in the sea, its lights the only shining thing past Lake Shore Drive.

The venue itself is classy: draped in red velvet and the stairs and columns lined with fake gold. The theme for this year's iteration of the dance is the Great Gatsby. Funny, the title brings back memories to high school, when I was a recent transfer student who had yet to find a friend group. I wondered, was I going to be alone for the next three years? And now, in the present, I have friends, but I purposefully distanced myself to the soothing rhythms of the music on the dance floor and found the highest place possible that overlooked the most desolate part of downtown. Why is it, that even when surrounded by people, I feel the urge to be alone? Perhaps it is true that we are most lonely when surrounded by the largest number of people.

I seriously do not know why I even still go to dances if I feel so self conscious about them. Perhaps it's some overflowing of my subconscious desires onto a piece of paper; that's what may motivate me to still attend these events: that motivation being more arcane and less related to the event itself. It's odd: associating a placebo-like effect with something as lewd as a dance. I don't really know what am I saying. Perhaps my logic is being spun around in circles. Maybe I'm being illogical. A breakdown of logic in the population: what would that result in?  Would it result in our destruction or would it free us from the shackles and conventions bound to us by the institutions we so revere?

Anywho it's reached the point in the night where my exhaustion has left a pounding sensation in my head and my ears are ringing from the dance floor ten floors below. I wonder if I should even return at this point. I mean, what's the point of participating? Yesterday I said in my diary entry that being with friends superseded the setting. Yesterday was a lot different from today. Plus I know at least one friend will never look back at me again. But really, I should ignore that sordid parting, right? After all, isn't that friend just part of the ebb and flow of life, the end of the high point of my latest annual cycle? Maybe next year, this will all happen again with a new set of people, and maybe we can awkwardly dance the night away again.

It's really strange: I should be happy, surrounded by friends, but something is amiss. An incongruity as strange as the broken windows on each floor of this building. I wonder what it will take for me to break my curse. Perhaps my curse itself is a self fulfilling superstition brought upon by myself. In the end, I can be the only one who changes, but since I've stated earlier and accepted the fact that my fundamental nature will never change, I will never break free of the curse. Maybe I should be more assertive in addressing the world. Rather than accepting my fate I should question the world, rage at the world, hate it for all it's intrinsic unfairness towards my kind. Maybe that's better than curling up in a ball in the smallest corner of my room and praying for a miracle to come. Miracles don't come spontaneously anyways. They are brought on by a grand change in character. My character is about done in this sordid play. A new day, another character will surface in this world, one that occupies my body but will be able to transcend whatever I could have accomplished. I mean, no matter how much we envy others, and others envy us for our strengths, deep inside we all have a fatal weakness.

When I go down again, I will again put on a mask, a mask that assumes my happiness in this situation, for this cycle of my life is almost done, and a new cycle full of hope shall begin.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A Midsummer Day's Tale

I was originally going to call this story "A Venerable, Snowy Hell," but it seemed inappropriate.

It snowed once recently back at home, which inspired me to write this.

---


Jacques Dubois was on an island of about three miles long. He was unsure of where he was or how he managed to arrive here from his previous dream, so he decided to look at the sky for inspiration but was nearly blinded by two suns that were shining directly overhead. Having not been able to find out where he was he decided to look at any posted signs for any information but saw none in his vicinity. Upon walking around he noticed that each street of the island was paved with red and yellow bricks and Victorian townhouses painted in an alternating pattern of light pink and black faced the streets.

Jacques kept walking for what he thought was about twenty minutes but for the whole twenty minutes saw nothing but alternating light pink and black-painted Victorian townhouses facing red and yellow brick-paved streets. He was unsure if he had just been walking around in circles or walking in a residential district but he saw no sign of any posted signs, and had not paid attention to trivial details. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that Jacques tried to block out of his mind any trivial details as he had the uncanny ability to remember trivial details with extreme accuracy. Jacques’ mind was particularly plagued by the man in a primarily blue Hawaiian shirt who was reading a copy of Anna Karenina on the second floor balcony of the twenty-fourth townhouse he passed, and the female cycad tree that had one missing leaf he saw on the seventy-fifth townhouse he passed.

At last Jacques gave up and decided to head towards the ocean. He strained his ears to listen for the sound of the waves and at once heard a horrible crashing sound that was like the sound of a twenty foot storm surge crashing against a levee during a hurricane. However, it was a cloudless day and there was not even the slightest breeze. Jacques was not phased by this oddity and headed towards the direction of the ocean. After a step the raging ocean that Jacques had first heard now was a barely audible soft whisper of the waves gently caressing the shore. Jacques saw the ocean after passing one row of townhouses. The ocean was a beautiful blue; the exact same color Jacques had seen in the Hawaiian snapshots he saw in his family’s photo album when young.

Jacques decided to walk along a street that had the beach on one side, and those familiar townhouses on the other side. He heard a car approach him from the direction of the ocean and turned his head. The car was an expensive orange sportscar; the exact same shape and size he had seen in his family’s photo album of their Hawaiian vacation, except painted orange instead of red. A person with a masked face was in the front seat. Something about this person that seemed so familiar to Jacques struck him with terror.

“Hey Jacques!”

Jacques stood motionless.

“Jacques! Walk over to the ocean. It’s nice in there.”

Jacques obeyed and robotically walked into the ocean until the water was waist deep. The water felt nice; like bathwater. The familiar person whose identity Jacques could not make out for the life of him threw him an object.

“Jacques! You know what to do with that. Put it…”

The person made an obscene gesture but Jacques knew what he was hinting at. He felt compelled to oblige because he saw that the person now had a gun in his hand.

Jacques felt a surge of pleasure and he looked over one last time at the person and saw that the person’s mask was gone and Jacques felt a warm blanket around him and opened his eyes.

Jacques was motionless. His body was still undulating from the richness of the dream. He felt a terrible but pleasure-inducing sensation further down his body. For a minute he was unable to move as he felt something slowly trickle out. After he regained control over his body he felt a wetness somewhere, which confirmed his worst suspicions.

Jacques did not notice that it was snowing outside until he had finished putting his clothes and bedsheets in the washing machine and had taken a shower. “Those fools at the Weather Center were right!” he exclaimed.

The time was just past 8 AM on August 24th and an inch-thick layer of wet snow had already built up on the branches of the tree outside of his window.

-

Jacques Dubois was what we would call a yuppie. He had only graduated from the Stanford Business School two years prior and already had a job at a prestigious bank, with the potential to move into upper management in a few years. He had only lived in Batara for less than two months. He expressed no desire to move to an unfamiliar city in an unfamiliar country, but was forced to transfer to the bank’s headquarters in Batara from its headquarters in San Francisco after a recent company reorganization. It turns out that during his interview for this job, Jacques was the only applicant to give me a positive response when asked if he was willing to work under innovative environmentally conditions. It turned out that ‘innovative environmentally conditions,’ simply meant that he was to work in Batara (the most environmentally friendly city for over sixteen years in a row by survey of its own citizens) and was not allowed commute to work by car.

Despite this minor setback, Jacques could have hardly imagined that he would be in this position five years ago, when he was a struggling pre-business student at UCLA… but those details are irrelevant for this story.

-

Jacques saw no reason that the snow should affect his day and set out for work as per usual. To get to his workplace, Jacques first took a bus that would take him to the subway station. Despite it being almost 9 AM, the sky was still mostly dark, creating a dark blue ambience outside. At the bus stop, Jacques saw that the four other people at the bus stop were evidently just as surprised by this unusual snowfall. One unfortunate man was still wearing sandals and at least five layers of polo shirts. The man was angrily telling someone on his cellphone about how had left all his winter clothes at his summer home in Portland and was going to go there on vacation at the end of the week.

Luckily for Jacques he lived in a completely flat suburb of Batara so despite the fact that the streets were covered with messy, dirty snow, the bus had no problem staying on schedule. The subway station was much more crowded than normal, as it seemed that most people had decided to take public transit to work instead of driving. Amongst a sea of thick overcoats were some armed security guards, which were posted at the end of each turnstile, and at each ticket machine, blowing their whistles and yelling “This way please, sir,” “This turnstile is reserved for exiting passengers only, sir,” “Keep the line moving, sir,” and other similar phrases in between the sharp screeches of their whistles. All in all, chaos, as it took Jacques five minutes to walk from the bus stop to the entrance of the station, another five minutes to walk from the entrance of the station to the turnstiles, and another five minutes to walk down the stairs to the platform.

Once on the train, Jacques looked at his watch and accepted that he was going to be late for work, so he decided call his boss to let him know. He also remembered that he had to run an important errand that day and would only be working until lunch.

“Hello. You have reached the office of Gustav Plain,” answered a voice in a quiet whisper. A person hearing that voice for the first time would have mistaken it for an automated message.

“Hi Gustav, this is Jacques.”

“Jacques! How are you?” At once the voice changed into a raspy, boisterous shout.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to be late for work.”

“Jacques! You too? I’m shocked! I expect more out of someone of your caliber!”

“Look, Gustav, the public transit is a nightmare today because…”

“Jacques! Don’t give me those excuses! You sound exactly like every other employee that called in late today. At this rate, I’ll be the only one here until noon! Jacques! Why didn’t you drive to work?”

“You know… company regulations.”

“Jacques! This is your fault. You’re too rigid, always following regulations. Look at it this way. Suppose you’re somewhere down your career, and you have an important task to complete. This magnitude of the importance of this task cannot be understated; both your and the company’s fates are determined by the successful completing of this task. Your company says you can’t drive to work, but there’s a freak snowstorm of the day of the task. What would you do? Take out your car, or willingly go into the overcrowded public transit system, willingly accepting the fact that you will be late, and as a consequence, willingly accepting the fact that you won’t complete the task on time?”

“Gustav, I don't think anybody else in this city owns Soviet-era military jeep. See, my car would probably be unable to make it up the hill into uptown.”

“Jacques! That’s your fault for being unprepared! Look, at least when you drive, you control your own fate. If the result for not completing this completely hypothetical task was your death, would you willingly put your life in the hands of an underpaid, overworked bus driver?”

“Gustav, it’s my stop. I’ll be at the office in ten.”

“Jacques! I’ll see you then!”

-

Jacques looked at the clock just to double check that it was noon. It was still just as dark outside as when he had left home. Looking outside the window of his office, Jacques could see that the snow had not subsided at all. From his window, Jacques had a clear view of the downtown Batara skyline. There was a certain melancholy Jacques felt from looking at the city covered in snow in late summer, with the sky still darker than before dawn and the trees still leafy.

Before leaving his office Jacques put on his socks and his shoes again, which were both near the heater since they became soaked on the walk to the office, and stopped by Gustav’s office to tell him he was running the errand. With a package in one hand, and his umbrella in the other, and dressed as if he was going skiing, Jacques stepped outside. There was already a crowd of people waiting for the bus into downtown that stretched nearly to the door of the building that housed the bank for which Jacques worked.

The bus Jacques had to take into downtown also passed by the university, and Jacques remembered that it was somewhere around the first day of classes, which partially accounted for the large crowd. The sky had become brighter quickly, as if the sun had just risen behind the overcast sky, so the crowd of mostly students was in a jovial mood. Jacques could hear light banter between the students, most of which consisted of amazement at the early snowfall. Some students were bragging about how cruel the winters were where they grew up; one person mentioned something about Canada, as the others around him expressed their respect.

This bus that Jacques was waiting for arrived every five minutes during the day. It had now been over twenty minutes, and only one other bus had arrived. The bus driver, a lady in a very bad mood, yelled in a raspy voice “I can only take two more people,” and when a third person tried to enter, she shut the door, trapping the person and his fingers in the door for almost half a minute, before she opened the door again, and the unfortunate student stumbled back onto the sidewalk, clutching at his bleeding fingers. The bus then sped off, only to lose traction and crash into some parked cars at the side of the road less than a block away.

Ten minutes later, road crews had arrived and sealed off area around the stalled bus with cones. Somebody had made a snow sculpture in the shape in the shape of knuckle with a protruding middle finger, and eager students were taking photos of this sculpture and posting them on social networking sites. Jacques had given up trying to take the bus into downtown from this stop, and decided to walk down the hill that led into downtown, and take a bus further down the road.

Jacques’ idea was of no use. He was now on the part of the hill that was too steep for buildings and saw three stalled buses, each blocking one of the three lanes of the inbound half of the road. Each bus, still displaying “Happy Holidays” on the front, was surrounded by a ring of cones. Further down the hill police barricaded the inbound half of the road, diverting traffic onto the much smaller River Road. On the outbound half of the road, Jacques saw a line of parked buses that started at the River Road bus stop and spilled on to the bridge. Cars were crawling up the hill in the remaining two lanes. The way the traffic moved on this road was reminiscent of the Hurricane Katrina evacuations Jacques had once seen on television.

He then looked around and at once forgot about the chaotic scene on the road. He saw the snow-fringed branches of the trees and tops of the mansions that lined the riverfront, and further down the bridge, the snow-fringed yachts in the wharf and the snow-capped condominiums of the downtown riverfront, and at once decided that this scene would make a perfect postcard picture and took a nice cellphone picture. Somewhere in all of this observing and photo-taking, Jacques forgot about the important errand, which we would later learn, was one of those ‘ultra-important, hanging-his-life-in-the-balance’ errands his boss nonchalantly mentioned in their talk earlier that day.

There was this restaurant in downtown that Jacques read about on a well-known Batara food blogger’s blog that he wanted to try yet never had the chance to, and he thought that today would be a perfect day to try the restaurant. Afterwards, he thought, he would take the subway from downtown back home, dry off his shoes and socks, and have a nice cup of hot chocolate.

-

Somewhere else in Batara’s Uptown, there was a shabby two-floor concrete building on 12th Avenue that was sandwiched between two recently renovated glass office buildings. In the front window of the first floor there was a large sign that read: “Kasparov Bros., Real-Estate (Both Home and Office) Contractors, Inc.; Est. 1982.” In the large window facing the second floor a passerby on the street below could see two men resting their bulky elbows on a desk, which amongst computers and lamps and other regular desk items, had two large fans blowing air right into their faces, bright red with consternation.

On the screen of their computers were live feeds from various street cameras. They were both fixedly staring at one particular camera in the upper left corner of the screen of one computer. The camera had a view of a section the Faternot Street Bridge that led into downtown. Their eyes were glued to one man in a thick black jacket that was walking against the direction of the blowing snow who happened to be Jacques Dubois.

“Pyotr! Why has he not called us yet. It is already thirty minutes behind the scheduled calling-time!”

“I know not, Harry. Maybe it’s due to the weather. I don’t know really.” The man named Pyotr twiddled this thumbs in anxiety. “I don’t know really. Maybe it’s due to the weather. Harry, do you have any ideas?”

“Pah! These towns-folk! I had no trouble at all driving here. Look at all these fools, we get a few centimeters of snow and all of a sudden they think the roads have become staking rinks!”

“Harry, maybe you should prepare the guns.” He twiddled his thumbs again, licked his lips in rumination of this sudden realization. “Yes, Harry, prepare the guns.”

“Right! Why hadn’t we thought of this twenty-nine minutes ago! Pyotr, call a coach.”

“Wouldn’t it be more sensible to drive ourselves rather than call the coach?”

“Right, right. Let’s go down to the cars.”

Pyotr and Harry got up from their desk, which also had a nice view of the snow-capped buildings of Uptown and downtown, and walked towards the stairs. Before reaching the stairs, Harry took a pistol out of his pocket and handed it to Pyotr.

On the first floor Pyotr felt obliged to tell their secretary of their sudden leave.

“Romanov,” said Pyotr to a young Asian lady with long, flowing black hair and, who was sitting at a desk that faced the front door, “Harry and I have some important errand to carry out. Please watch over the office and direct all inquires to our auxiliary office.”

“That can be done, sir,” said the lady named Romanov.

“Thanks, Miss Natasha!”

Once the two men disappeared down the stairs that led to the garage, the lady continued sitting at her desk to continue her work. She took off her glasses and resumed trying to balance the brass name plate that read “Romanov Natasha” on the bridge of her glasses.

In the dimly-lit garage, there were five refurbished Soviet-era military jeeps crammed into a space not much larger than a master bedroom. Harry chose the jeep that was parked closest to the garage entrance, which was at a right angle to the way the jeep was parked, and entered by climbing over the back and jumping into the open sunroof. Pyotr followed in a similar manner.

“All right, Harry. We know he’s on the Faternot Bridge. Let’s waste no time in finding the client.”
Harry turned on the jeep’s engine and then Pyotr inserted a CD into the jeep’s CD player. The Leningrad Symphony started to play.

-

Jacques Dubois envisioned himself as a lone soul, alone in a dark, snowy desert, blizzard blowing into his face, heading towards a faint light that almost seemed like a mirage far away. He held his umbrella like a shield, directly in front of him, but it was of little use, as his shoes were soaked and had started to accumulate a pool of water in them, which he could feel through his slightly numbing toes. His pants had become bi-colored: perfectly dry in the back, but darkened by the snow which had assaulted the front. The snow had started to turn into sleet already, causing the sidewalk to turn into slush that splashed the bottom of his pants with each step.

A car passed by dangerously close to Jacques, causing a mess of partially melted dirty snow, dirty ice chunks, and dirty water to splash onto his jacket and hood. He silently cursed. His mood had deteriorated with his progress along the bridge towards downtown.

He then received a call from somewhere, and out of frustration ignored it. A minute later, another call, but again he ignored it. Another minute later, the call came again, but this time Jacques looked at the downtown skyline and noticed that it had indeed become closer, which brightened his mood just enough from him to bother to pick up the call.

“Hello?” Jacques demanded.

“Hello, Jacques Dubois, this is Pyotr Kasparov. As you may or may not be aware, you had an important appointment you were supposed to call us about and schedule. You failed to do so. The deadline is an hour in passing, and normally this negligence would be the cause of grave consequences, but out of the generosity of our hearts, we have decided to make you a final offer before we have to take action. Our offer is simple…”

 Just at that moment another car passed by dangerously close to the sidewalk, and again, for the thirteenth time, splashed that awful mix of dirty partially melted snow, dirty ice, and dirty water, this time straight into the side of Jacques’ face.

“Pah!” spat Jacques into his cellphone.

“What? Jacques, if I am not mistaken, you have declined our magnanimous offer without hearing a single word of what we have to offer. I’m sorry, but these actions are inexcusable,” said the voice on the other end in a reprimanding tone, which almost reached a crack at ‘inexcusable.’ Jacques could faintly hear the climax of the Leningrad Symphony in the background. “I’m afraid we have to terminate…”

The call suddenly dropped off.

-

Pyotr shrieked. Any passerby would have thought a woman was having her purse stolen. Luckily for Pyotr’s dignity, the powerful sounds of the climax of the Leningrad Symphony coming from the jeep’s audio system masked his sudden outburst, so that any person who happened to pay enough attention to hear the shriek simply thought a piccolo played slightly out of tune. The cellphone on which Pyotr had been about to hand Jacques his judgment laid on the floor of the garage, crushed under the jeep’s massive wheels.

“Harry, you really should improve your maneuvering skills. You nearly cut off my hand there!”

“An inch off here, an inch off there, what does it matter! There’s only one inch of clearance space on all sides of the jeep so something like this was bound to happen sometime. Come, Pyotr, and help me unfold the mirror, the door handle, and the side bumper, now that we’ve managed to get out of the garage!”

“Seriously, Harry, it took you until the climax of the symphony to be able to back out of the garage…”

The Soviet-era jeep made short work of the slippery, slushy mess that was still in the middle of 12th Avenue. While it was travelling at regular speeds, other cars were struggling to crawl by at speeds one would drive at in a parking lot.

“Pyotr! Have we any idea where Jacques still is?”

“Presumably still on the bridge, Harry.”

“So then let’s take a left turn here, and wait – what’s this?” Harry had to slam on the brakes, stopping mere inches away from the minivan in front of him. The two children in the back seat had a look of agony on their faces as they were expecting the jeep to crash into their car.

“Those fools, Pyotr! They’ve barricaded the inbound segment of the road simply due to two stalled buses! Look, look at the space,” said Harry, pointing to a crevice in the middle of the two stalled buses that was just as wide as the garage entrance. “Wide enough to let a tank through! Why must the police barricade the street?”

“Look, Harry, we can simply follow the police diversion onto River Road, then take the side streets back up the hill, drive a few blocks to the west on 7th Avenue, and take the North Street Bridge into downtown."

When the two brothers reached the North Street bridge, they found that it was also blocked in the inbound direction by two stalled buses.

“No problem, no problem,” said Pyotr, “We can simply follow the diversion onto River Road, then take the side streets back up the hill, drive a few blocks to the east, and take the Local Highway 91 Bridge into downtown. Buses are not allowed on that road, so there should be no stalled buses.”

To Harry and Pyotr’s increasing consternation, when they reached the Local Highway 91 Bridge, they found it also blocked, this time not by buses, but by two police cars which had stalled in the snow, their sirens and lights still activated.

“What now, Pyotr? Shall we call a coach? Is that reasonable, or are we fated to continue wandering around Uptown in search of barricades and horrible drivers!”

“Let’s just take the subway, Harry.”

“Pyotr! You know what? All this searching has made me more and more eager to be able to terminate that complacent, good-for-nothing…”

-

“The fries must be double fried. Such is life. All good things happen once, they must happen again, non? The first time cooks the fries; the second time adds the coating. The first miracle: we create life; the second miracle: we define life. Then, once you have life, you must make it fluid, but not before adding the cheese curds. Cheese curds: the embodiment of heaven in the mouth, that sensation which melts at once and squeaks with the passion of a perfectly engineered dish, the epitome of our cuisine! We have created genius, perfection, David in edible form, but it nothing, just a sculpture, merely, just inanimate. The last step: make life fluid, through which our creation will be able to breathe. Let the creation breathe! Until the dish is fluid, it cannot breathe, it cannot live, it cannot inspire! What is eating without inspiration! Nothing but ingestion! Ingestion; that word gives me the shutters at the tongue, for it is devoid of all of passion and emotion, such an insult to the work of art I am about to create for you!”

“Jérémie, it’s not my first time here. I’m Jacques!”

“Ah! Désolée, I thought it was your first time here so I was giving you the spiel.”

“No worries; it was still as eloquent as the first time I came here.”

“Jacques! You look. Drenched! How can I say it any other way other than, drenched!”

“I had a little walk in the snow, which then turned into a walk in the sleet, and in the final block before arriving, rain! Yes, the snow is now finished, for good.”

“Well, well, what shall I get for you?”

“My regular order.”

“Very well.”

Jacques paid the money, took a glass of water, and sat down at a table. He was unable to relax because he was, well, drenched. He desperately looked for something to draw his attention to while the master fry-cook was preparing his meal. The televisions were off. “Must be due to the Hockey Strike,” thought Jacques. He then pulled out his cellphone, but it was unable to turn on due to excessive water damage. He had no other resort left other than to stare at the master.

Jérémie was hard at work preparing a dish that, health-wise, should be eaten only once per month, yet ever since Jérémie opened his quaint fries shop in this particular corner of downtown five years ago, Jacques had frequented the place at least once a week, sometimes twice, or more. He looked like the kind of person who should have been a model for a Californian fashion company; he was tall and of a shining bronze complexion, his muscles still showed through the bulky sweater he had on, and his hair still seemed to shine despite dim light in the fries shop. “I guess he really enjoys what he does,” thought Jacques.

The dish soon arrived, which Jacques wolfed down, after which he gave a short farewell to Jérémie, and ran out of the fries shop. The snow had transitioned completely into rain, creating rivers on the side of streets, rivers that passed in between the sidewalk and layer of melting ice on the side of the road. These rivers also created daunting barriers between crosswalk and sidewalk, and Jacques at first tried to jump over them, but after few failures, simply decided to splash around in the rivers, as if the fries dish he had just consumed energized his whole being.

Jacques could now see the entrance of the Downtown subway station in the distance. A fearsome wind started blowing; piercing rain flew into Jacques’ eyes and blurred his vision. He was now four city blocks away from the station, and the wind had started to rock the small, bare maple trees that dotted the city road. Three blocks away, and the wind had started to send branches flying through the air. Two blocks away, and Jacques saw that the wind had grown strong enough to start to uproot these frail maple trees, and barely managed to duck in time as one flew past him, which ended up crashing into a store window.

Jacques, who had been running ever since he left the fries shop, felt an urge to slow down. He was not tired; maybe there was some urge that told him to appreciate this chaotic scene. He slowed down, first to a jog. The wind calmed down slightly, as a tree that was about to be uprooted right in front of Jacques was spared, and now only gently rocked back and forth. Jacques then slowed down to a brisk walk, then to a meander. The wind stopped.

The subway station was crowded as usual, but since the snow had turned into rain, Jacques felt everything return to a relative normalcy. A snowplow, the first Jacques had seen all day, started clearing what was left of the snow on the main road that ran above the subway line.

-

“Pyotr, there’s the target!” said Harry, pointing at the third window of the second car of the subway train which was parked at the opposite end of the platform.

“I can’t get a clear shot from here. We have to follow him.”

This is Downtown. Doors open on the left at Downtown.

The doors opened, and Harry and Pyotr pushed through the crowd on the platform in an attempt to board the outbound train. There was a loud beeping noise that started.

“Quickly, Pyotr! The door is about to close!”

“Harry, why don’t you tell the conductor to wait.”

“Conductor!” yelled Harry, “please, wait! Wait for us to board the train!”

Harry’s yells were of no use. The train left without heeding his pleas. The people around Harry started chuckling, and someone started to explain to the unfortunate Kasparov Brothers.

“Are you tourists here?” said a student, “the entire subway system is automated. Controlled by computers. No conductors on any cars. What a marvel!”

Instead of admiration, the student’s apparent pompous tone broke Harry. He grabbed the poor student by the collar of his sweater, made his glasses crash onto the rails, and screamed right in his face.

“What a day! What a day! First the police barricade every possible route into the city, then we find the coach is out of service, then the grand finale, some smart person tells me that the subway trains are magic, run without any conductor!”

Pyotr quickly mediated, and pulled the student out of Harry’s vice grip.

“Harry, we can just take the next train. After all, we know where he lives…”

-

Jacques returned home at slightly past four. The sun had already set two hours ago. A set of drenched socks, boots, jacket, pants, undershirt, sweater, and underwear were drying on the radiator. Finally in fresh dry clothes, Jacques felt at ease, and started to recollect the memories of the day. He seemed fixated on the snapshot he took of the view of the hill facing downtown.

He heard a ringing sound.

“Hot chocolate’s done – no wait – that’s the doorbell. I wonder who it could be at this hour?”

Jacques opened the door and saw two tired and sorry looking men facing him. One had a manila envelope tucked under his arm. The one without the envelope opened his mouth, and started whispering in a barely audible tone.

“Hello… my name is Harry Kasparov…”

Just then a snowplow passed by on the street, drowning out any hope that Jacques would understand what the man named Harry Kasparov had to say to him. It dropped off a pile of snow right on top of what Jacques made out to be an odd-looking jeep that was parked in the restricted snow-clearing area of the street.

“…terminate our deal. Please comply.”

The other man handed Jacques the envelope. The one named Harry now had a gun in his hand, but was evidently disillusioned, pointing it at some odd direction off into a snowbank. Jacques had no idea how to respond, so he just nodded his head, which seemed enough to satisfy the men, and they turned their backs and walked back into the darkness.

Back at his desk, cup of hot chocolate in hand, Jacques opened the envelope. It was an unsigned copy of a contract of which a copy he had already signed and verified the day before.

“Poor men,” he thought, “they should get some rest.”




Saturday, October 27, 2012

A Glass Leaf

was an interesting image that I thought of one day a few weeks ago when autumn was still beautiful instead of blustery, so I decided to write something about it.

This is my first real creative piece in a while. I wrote this at two distinct time periods, each with a very different emotion in mind that compelled me to pick up my pen (keyboard...?). See if you can spot the discontinuity!

---


The sun hazily crept over the mountains to the east, casting a faint orange glow on the now-abandoned monstrosities of concrete that once towered over the concrete undergrowth that used to bustle with the activity of a thousand passing vehicles per second. These towers once used to be capped with seamless windows that would reflect the light of the rising sun and would mimic its orange hue in the dawn, and would reflect the artificially enhanced moonlight in the night so that the buildings would always be shining. Atop each one of these buildings was the insignia of a once-fearful conglomerate.

Now, some windows were stained by decades of unchecked dirty rain. Others were fragmented, and a few select others had been covered with seagull feces, accumulated back in the time when the city still had signs of animal life. Now the buildings were enshrouded in a permanent haze, caused by the eternally running factories in the north of the valley.

The only superficial surfaces in the city off which sunlight still reflected were the statues commemorating the various leaders of the once-fearful conglomerate, each statue located at the end of a pier. The city used to be a major shipping center. The piers used to be covered with freight containers stacked like Lego blocks. Today, decades after the last freight container was burned and thrown into the ocean, the statues basked in the morning sunlight as they had every past morning for some years, their revelry shared by a man, who was sitting on a bench at the end of pier 19.

The man had arrived here about thirty minutes ago. He was the only human to have moved into the city for nearly twenty-five years, and every morning he had the same routine. He would wake up, wash himself, and then walk down three flights of stairs in his house to a cellar which was filled with nothing but boxes of sponge cakes, and took six nicely wrapped sponge cakes, which still looked edible even after having been put there by a resident before the revolution. Two of the sponge cakes would be thrown in the food extractor, a futuristic device the man brought over from his previous residence, and would make a glass of milk. Half of a sponge cake would go towards making butter. Three sponge cakes were processed into two pieces of multigrain toast. The man would eat the last half sponge cake on the way to the pier. 

While the food extractor was processing, making a sound akin to a metal pan that was being repeatedly bashed onto a person’s skull, the man would dress himself. He put on pair of faded brown shoes, a pair of finely tailored green pants, a blue cotton shirt, and if it was cold enough, a bright orange wool sweater. His outfit was completed by a dirty and stained grey overcoat, and his bowler hat, which had a neat blue trim on it. The man changed outfits every time it rained. Curiously enough, however, it had only rained one time since his arrival to the city, and that was on the day he found the glass leaf.

While walking back from the docks one morning, three weeks after the man had arrived to the city, it started to rain. The man, who was at that point about ten blocks from his home, started to run, knowing well the dangers of a sudden downpour. The rain was so dirty that it could be seen visibly boring holes into the concrete above, and tracing out lines, as if it were cutting paper, on the concrete below the man’s feet. The man heard the crumbling of a pillar ahead of him, and quickened his pace. His jogging turned into a sprint as he barely managed to avoid the crumbling of a pillar to his side, and the subsequent falling of a slab of concrete, which managed to scrape him on the back and dirty his jacket. The slab of concrete that fell revealed a slice of the sky which was as grey and volatile as the concrete that had fallen down.

After that close brush to death, the man saw a shiny object, perhaps the only object of some color around, being washed towards a gutter. His curiosity led him to reverse direction and run after the leaf. He picked it up right as it was about to be carried away to the lower layer. The leaf was an odd little creature; it had the consistency and weight of a typical maple leaf, but was so translucent and reflective that it had to be made of glass. The man picked up the leaf, and at that instant turned his head around and saw the crumbling of two parallel pillars. Then, he watched in fascination as a whole section of the highway above began to peel away from the concrete sky.

A minute after the dust from the collapse cleared, the man lay prostrated on the concrete floor, and clutching the glass leaf, he sent forth a huge cough that exuded some blood that stained his shoes. The rain stopped. The man now saw that the concrete section that fell from above had split into two near-perfect halves, each half buttressed by the fallen pillars, which had fallen almost in phase so that they were supported by each other and created an archway filled with light under the ruins of sudden destruction.

The man fashioned the glass leaf into a locket of some sort, and wore that instead of a tie from each day forth.

-
The sun, about thirty minutes high into the sky, had almost started to recede into the everlasting haze, so the man closed the book he was reading, and prepared to walk home. He was stopped by an unnatural presence to his left, and instinctively dropped the book and clutched his locket with both hands.

“Mighty fine day it will be, no? I’m not sure about you, well, maybe I can tell about you since you seem to be dressed like a multi-colour pig, but I adore the colour grey, and all of its venerable shades.”

The man was about to run, but then he saw out of the corner of his eye some spots of blood on the strangers’s grey shoes.

“Grey is such a fine, representative colour. Why do we need colour, when we can colour the world with shades of grey? I’m wearing all grey, and I dare say, my outfit looks better than your mismatched atrocity. Of course my jacket, my only jacket, was stained by the rain about nine months ago, but nobody looks at one’s back anyways.”

A smile emerged on the man’s face. The stranger laughed, and took out a cigar from his side pocket and lit it.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” said the man. “Nearly ten months! I had almost lost hope.”

“Hope comes in shades of grey, does it not?” replied the stranger.

“I much prefer the blinding white of light. Seems more hopeful. Maybe you haven’t spent that much time in this city, but looking at nothing but shades of grey for all except an hour of each day can get a little tedious, no?”

“Right! The day of the last rain! You followed the light didn’t you? How could I forget?”

“Time has stood still since then.”

“You really wish to get to the point!”

“Perhaps I grow tired of waiting, having to bear the burdens of a million sins.”

The stranger finished his cigar and threw it into the ocean. “Right, but see, you don’t know how much of a saviour you are! Really, if that old company was still in charge of things around here, you would have your own statue, and I bet you would go to that one each morning instead of the statue of your father!”

“How can one be called a savior after causing the permanent destruction of a city, and allowing two million people to suffer?”

“Simple fixes, all of them! This city has been erased from the maps for at least twenty-five years now, and humans can reproduce. All very simple fixes!”

“Right but…”

“And look, there are millions of people that would wish to meet their saviour. How many people you ask? Almost twenty-three million! If you do the math, a ten percent casualty rate is paltry compared to the behemoth you took down!”

“Look, I don’t think you quite understand what I’ve been going through. It’s not about the sacrifices others have made, mind you, people that I have absolutely no connection to. It’s about what you did to me. It’s about those three years of prodding and baiting me along a string of lies that would eventually ruin myself and the ones I loved.”

“You need to liven up. Would you like to exchange shirts, your coloured mess for mine?”

The man remained silent, but turned his head in pensive appreciation of the ocean.

“Okay, but amidst all your pity, do you understand the great lengths I have gone to find you? I have tirelessly searched every single continent of this globe, and finally in desperation, return to the place where it all started. It was the last place that I would expect any human to be, especially someone like you. And would you please stop staring at the ocean and look at your dear friend, who is now on the verge of death?”

The stranger also turned his head to the ocean. Together, they watched the waves. Silent, but also for the first time sharing a common appreciation for the things that brought them together so many years ago, such common and trivial things that had been marred by years of distrust, and decayed through years of neglect, just like the buildings around them.

“E.,” said the man, for the first time addressing the stranger by name, “I’m just here to appreciate what little is left of those memories, those memories I cherish so deeply. It’s just a shame that embedded with those memories also lie the those memories that were marred by the revolution, and all of its shameful consequences.”

“So you have warmed up slightly A.,” said E., also addressing his partner in conversation by his name, “Tell me, A., does this place have special significance for you?”

“Someone I knew once long ago would go to this precise spot, the only bench on all of the city’s piers, whenever he was in a state of angst. Watching the ships go about their business must have given him some contemplative solace. I guess for me instead of ships I watch the sunlight reflect off the waves.”

“Ah! A., I think I have found the reason why you feel so tied yet so pained by the ruins of this city. I’ll let you figure it out yourself, though.”

-

The sun had now completely disappeared into the sky as the two men sat in silence, surrounded by a fog reminiscent of a murky winter day.

“E.”

“Have you found out, A.?”

“I think so. I realize that the beliefs of the maddening crowd may sway my thoughts in the common direction, despite all of previous moral insistence. It has taken your presence and this glass leaf locket for me to realize that even when surrounded by the maelstrom of the corrupting crowd, I have to materialize what I truly believe in into a unique and tangible object, and I have to treasure all of those people who have stood out from the rest, and even if in silence, just appreciate the passing of time with these very special people.”

“Well said, A. Now, awake!”

-

The man realized that it was already close to high noon. Outside his apartment window, the cars were streaming down the highways, down the cliff into the downtown core, and further south, he could see the sunlight perfectly reflecting off of the glass windows of the office buildings, and towards the ocean, he could see the dock bustling with activity, and even further south, ships dotted the horizon. Upon focusing his vision back to what was directly outside his window, the man saw a glass leaf plastered on the window, blending almost seamlessly with the window itself. The glass leaf seemed familiar, but he was not completely sure why.






Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Happy Valley Shanghai

I have been a fan of roller coasters ever since I started playing Rollercoaster Tycoon as a kid. However, I never experienced the real things until my school's trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain last year. Ever since, I have taken the opportunity to try the best samplings from any amusement park that happened to be convenient for me to visit.

Most recently I had been in Shanghai for two weeks to end my summer vacation. On a Friday, I decided to visit the Happy Valley amusement park chain's setup in Shanghai. It was a cool, mostly cloudy late summer day; probably the best kind of weather to ride coasters.

The entrance ticket was 200 RMB (slightly over $30) - quite expensive by Chinese standards. Upon entering the park, the first thing I did was head over to the wooden roller coaster, called "Fireball" in English.

"Fireball" opened in 2009 with the opening of the park and is China's first wooden roller coaster. 

Image
(not my picture but a better view)

Apparently everyone else had the same idea as me, as when I reached the ride there was already a line down to near the end queuing area. I also noticed that they were only running one of the two trains. I would say the time it took me to get on the ride was about an hour, made slightly longer by a few line-cutters.

The ride itself was pretty well-designed and enjoyable, by conventional standards. Good enough to return for a second run in the day. 

The next ride I went on was the tower you see in the photo above. They were only running the freefall tower (instead of the powered launch), where the cart slowly rises to the top before you freefall to the bottom of the tower. Probably the less intense version of the tower. Still, good enough for a nice kick.

One thing I noticed was that the carousel was full of young adults (most of the park's guests the day I visited were young adults) at around 10 am - something you would not see in an American amusement park!

The next ride I went on was called "Diving Coaster," a kind of large-capacity vertical drop coaster that has similar models in other parks around the world (Sheikra at Busch Gardens Tampa, for example). Still, it was my first time going on a diving machine. I think having just gone on the freefall tower helped make the vertical drop on this ride less daunting

Diving Coaster - definitely the most "impressive" ride at the park, with the longest drop and highest maximum speed.

The ride has a few tricks to scare nervous riders, such as a sudden acceleration before a sudden brake before the first drop, and a 2-3 second hang over the edge before the first drop, as you can kind of see the train doing in the picture above.

The interesting thing about this amusement park was that the ride operators waited for the train to be mostly full before dispatching. Even though there was no line, people were rather reluctant to ride the Diving Coaster, so I ended up waiting for about five or so minutes for the train to slowly fill. I didn't even know that the Diving Coaster was open, earlier in the day, because I had not seen a single train running on the track during my time waiting in line for the wooden roller coaster. After a second consecutive ride of the Diving Coaster I decided it was time to try something else. 


The next ride I went on is pictured above, a flat ride that spins you in two different axes, eventually reaching a 270 degree revolution. Went on it once and felt that was enough, but it was enjoyable.


Mega-Lite. Starts with a cable lift (which is about twice as fast as a conventional chain lift), and is a smooth, fast, coaster with lots of airtime. 

No kids in sight on the kiddie coaster!

Spinning coaster.

Other rides I went on were the requisite Mine Train Coaster (they have one at every Happy Valley amusement park), and some dark ride not worth mentioning. I finished off my day by going on the wooden coaster again, this time with no waiting time.

I went on a weekday after summer vacation had ended for the Chinese kids, so lines were pretty much non-existent throughout the day. Including the hour I spent waiting for the wooden coaster at the start of my day, I finished going through the park in about three and a bit hours. I probably got as much enjoyment from hearing and seeing the other park guests' reactions to the roller coasters as from the rides themselves. 

Popular rides that I did not try were the Shoot the Chutes (will never go on one of those willingly), the rapids, and any of the shows. 

Would I go back? Probably not. But, it was a satisfying experience, and a much more comfortable one compared to the last time I visited an amusement park in China. Last year I visited Happy Valley Shenzhen in the middle of summer, and probably my most vivid memory of the whole day was wiping the sweat off my forehead every two minutes with an already soaked and dirty tissue (since I had to 'conserve' my tissues).